What's sex got to do with it
‘What’s sex got to do with it?’ forms part of the three sex chapters in the book. These chapters help us to explore how we can become more intimate with our spouse, both emotionally and sexually – in fact, we’ll be looking at ways in which emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy go hand in hand and how you can deepen this connection in your couple relationship. Here’s an overview of the three chapters specifically focused on the sexual aspects of marriage.
Chapter 10 takes us into the realm of ‘Souful sex’, exploring ways in which we can deepen our emotional and spiritual connection through sex and heighten the joy that sex can bring. We’ll be exploring techniques for slowing down and enabling erotic connections to take place with our partner. The exploits of the two lovers from ‘Song of Songs’ will help to illuminate the valuable psychological principles, and will open up ways for you to enjoy ‘Soulful sex’ together. This will hopefully leave you feeling inspired, and the self-help exercises will take you further, allowing you to try out new, erotic experiences. This will enliven your relationship, both emotionally and sexually.
Control of couple intimacy
Chapter 11 is entitled, ‘Control of couple intimacy: what’s sex got to do with it?’This takes us one step further beyond the erotic connections and allows us to start looking at how intimacy issues can get played out in the area of sex. It will challenge you as a couple to think about how you may moderate levels of closeness through sex and the reasons behind why one of you may sometimes be the high desire, or low desire partner.
We’ll also be looking at what it means to really want our partner instead of needing them when it comes to sex. We’ll be examining the Biblical story of Judah and Tamar’s relationship and what we can learn from their approach to sexual intimacy. From an alternative perspective, we’ll take a closer look at the story of ‘The woman at the well’ and how she orchestrated her life to possibly avoid genuine sexual intimacy. There’s a lot packed into Chapter 11 because we go onto identify what our attachment style may be, how this translates into the way we approach sexual intimacy, and how as a couple we can obtain renewed sexual aliveness.
Disillusionment and adultery
Chapter 12 of the book is ‘Disillusionment and adultery’and you may be thinking that this isn’t as exciting or readable as ‘Souful sex’ – well, I’m hoping that in many ways it is. I’ve written this so that it’s applicable to everyone, even if you don’t feel disillusioned or infidelity hasn’t been a specific issue in your marriage – my aim is to help restore our wonder and interest in marriage through exploring blockages that can get in the way.
We’ll be looking at how we can fulfil our potential to be a creative couple and factors that may lead us to seek creativity and passion outside of our relationship. The Biblical couple of Sarah and Abraham will help us to reflect on their journey towards becoming a creative couple and the problems they faced. We’ll be looking at the issue of passivity in marriage and how this can be a subtle form of unfaithfulness with significant consequences. How we can challenge ourselves to take a more active stance in our relationship will also be another area of focus. We’ll be thinking about what happens when our erotic gaze wanders and unhelpful sexual compulsions develop and some of the possible answers to this. Alongside the issue of having affairs we’ll be exploring the shadow side of marriage. And as an antidote to dissatisfaction and disillusionment, we’ll be thinking about how we can recapture a sense of playfulness, joy and soulful connection once again.